Trial and Error.

February 23, 2010 at 6:23 pm (My Story.)

I continued to feel that I was pushing the envelope…sometimes risking too much before realizing that I had to be careful. I would often wonder whether I was living my life to the full or just playing it safe. Most of the time, my desire to normality would over take and I would risk myself…usually physically. But I would always guard myself mentally and emotionally not only when it came to guys but also with friends.To this day, even my best friend of almost 12 years still does not know about my condition…

Admist the chaos, a friend of mine introduced me to a guy. He was cute, friendly and kind. Something about him immediately just drew me to him…almost like he knew me even before I had said anything. This was an unusual situation. We were nearing the end of our first year in university and looking for a house to rent for next year. I was set to live with my friend (E), her friend (J) and B. I didnt know B very well but I felt that we would get along pretty well. We decided to get to know each other. He would come over and we would talk. It wasn’t awkward at all. He had such a calming presence that in my own turmoil I began to spew everything. All my fears and all my worries (I did not include any talk of MRKH at this point). I had had a tough year. Being used to being an honour roll student, my grades had taken a bit of a hit. I was very stressed out. I had a roommate who would bring strangers back to our room and have sex with them while I was there. We did not get along. I hated the program I was in (Health Sciences). I missed home, my friends and my Mum like crazy. I thought I was in love with some jackass who turned out to be the typical 18 year old boy who thought with his dick. I wasn’t eating properly and lost 10 lbs as a result (for a 5’2 frame that can be quite a bit). I just was not myself…I was so confused and a complete mess.  But for the first time, I felt at ease…like B actually cared about me.

For the next week or more, we spent a lot of time together, just talking about everything. Personal or not. One day, we were talking and he finally asked me if I had gone skating on the Rideau Canal yet (f you aren’t from Ottawa, the Rideau Canal is famous for skating in the winter and it stretches quite far). I dont know how to skate very well so I had not (I did have my skates with me though) so he took me out on the ice. It was romantic. We talked about our families and our lives. He held me up as I tried to skate but never in that whole time did he try it on. He treated me like a person, like someone worth listening to…someone worth something. It was refreshing. Anyways, I remember laughing a lot…I mean I hadnt laughed like that in a long time. It felt really good. We bought beavertails (just in case, you’re not familiar with what a beavertail is, its a delicious pastry. If you ever get a chance to try one, go for it) and sat and talked some more. By this point, since I was not a frequent skater my skates had rubbed my heels raw so I was in some pain. We had skated all the way to Carleton University from the University of Ottawa so I was ready to take the skates off and put my boots back one for the way home. So we stopped in a hut and changed footwear. On the way back, I grabbed B’s hand. He thought nothing of it at the time. But later that night when we got back to residence, he told me it was his 19th birthday. I was touched that he decided to spend it with me rather than go to the bar and get drunk. I felt really close to him in that moment. Anyways, before parting ways, we had our first kiss…it was clumsy but I wouldnt change it for the world.

Four years later and we are still together…just as happy as that first meeting…


  1. Aysha said,

    Wow aww sweet any plans of engaged/marriage? Does he know yet? So none of your friends know? Wow thats quite long long for a best friend, she must be a true friend. It’s so nice to hear you have amazing friends and bf!

  2. Aysha said,

    Hey I am doing health and social care so that is health sciences, I find it quite interesting! So did you change after 1 yr to psychology? Psychology seems more like your field! =D

  3. MRKHCanada said,

    Thanks Aysha! No definitive plans as of yet. I would like to wait until I have completed my education before I decide to get married but that may change who knows. He does know. Ill share that story soon!

    No none of my friends know. Ive considered telling a few but I just havent had the courage to yet. My best friend is truly amazing…she’s very supportive and we share just about everything with each other…always have. Part of me worries that it would change her opinion of me. I dont know though, its risky! It is amazing to have a good support network…I think it really helps!

    Yes I did switch into Psychology and I also took on an English major. So its basically a joint honours. Psychology is truly where my heart lies…I really have no doubt in my mind that this is what I want to do. I never get sick of learning when it comes to this field.

  4. Miss-Smiley said,

    Good idea MRKHCANADA. Lots know about me, some I told some it got spread :(. I am sure it will not change your best friends opinion of you. But be careful who you tell as I have had some bad experiences!
    Oh interesting! Clever girly. Yeah you would do fab working in the psychology field. I wish I did psychology too! Although I quite enjoy what I am doing! I agreed psychlology is amazing!

  5. MRKHCanada said,

    Oh thats awful! People can be cruel…I think the only people who can truly understand what we have endured are those who have experienced MRKH firsthand. I definitely have been selective in who I have told. Unfortunately, there was one family member I told when I was first diagnosed and I think it definitely changed her opinion of me. Unfortunate that people believe that MRKH defines who we are…We are still the same people. Its sad.

    Thanks! I will find a way to get to where I want to be sooner or later!!! Let me know how your dissertation is going and if I can help!

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