November 23, 2010 at 8:28 pm (Just wondering...)

When a heated debate regarding the intersex issue erupted on the mrkh-grrls forum, I got to thinking. I have decided to place my thoughts here since this space is a safe space for me to share my reflections (feel free to respond if you wish). Considering our one link is MRKH, we have to remember the diversity of our backgrounds. We have all experienced adversity and hardship and we have all had different family lives and school experiences. This all influences our personal opinions. For this, we all must respect one another, whether or not we agree with the decisions each individual makes. It is our experience with MRKH which unites us in this community for support and true empathy.

I find it very difficult to empathise with those who solicit other people’s respect and yet fail to respect other people’s choice to live differently. Labels exist, that is the reality, whether we like it or not. But labels can be helpful as well as harmful. With regards to the intersex debate, various definitions (broad and specific) are floating around out there. My research has unearthed those who do identify our condition as intersex and a majority that do not. Having said that, if you feel that you wish to identify as intersex that is your choice as it is mine to refrain from labelling myself so.

With respect to those who are concerned for newly diagnosed girls, I agree that it is harmful to preach, but this might be one way or another. Instead, we can offer the knowledge that these two groups do exist and explain clearly why. From there, these girls can make an informed decision….or not – it is her choice. Even for me, 8 years after my diagnosis, the whole debate confused me. When I raised the issue, it was shut down as a taboo subject. Gender issues are very prevalent and they affect all of us but lashing out at one another is not the answer. If anything, we can learn from those who think differently from ourselves.

That is my two cents on the matter. But it is crucial to keep these neutral spaces alive!


  1. Miss-Smiley said,

    Beautifully said dear!

  2. Nicole Freedman said,

    Beautifully stated. I choose to identify as intersex female. This is because of the immediate need to “fix” me displayed by my doctors and my parents when I was 15. I am 33 now. It feels comfortable to me to be part of the intersex community, and to share with those who have gone through similar scenarios regardless of gender.

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