One Big Fat Question Mark.

January 5, 2011 at 12:01 am (Just wondering...)

This is kind of a continuation of my reflection on the whole getting-married-and-having-kids thing. I guess we can all agree that the natural progression in life means that following education, we “settle down” in our twenties and thirties – after all haven’t we got the partying of our late teens/early twenties out of our systems? Just recently, I feel like this theme has resurfaced in my life. For example, a friend of mine just got engaged over the Christmas holidays to her long term boyfriend. Also, right before I found out the good news, I had lunch with some old friends of mine – just to catch up. Again, two are engaged, one soon to be and two married. So, once again, I sat through a lunch dominated by wedding conversation. You know, the usual, engagement photos, the cost of gowns and flowers, the bridesmaids dresses etc., etc. It was the whole nine yards – wedding magazines being tossed around, engagement photos being whipped out etc. I found myself sitting awkardly with my single friends, only half-listening with glazed expressions on our faces. Don’t get me wrong, I am really, really happy for them! My soon-to-be married friend is positively glowing in anticipation. It is almost like she has waited for this moment her whole life! I guess my whole purpose here is to talk out my own thought process because I am constantly questioning whether I fit in society’s mould. In this instance, I do not think I do. Whether this has to do with biology or not, I am not quite sure.

I know if I really wanted to, B would love to marry and settle down however, something is really holding me back. But what? Why do I not feel like I am on the same page as everyone else? Where do they find their certainty? That is what I really want to find out. A friend of mine laughed when I confessed my doubts, joking that our early-/mid-twenties are for our friends to get engaged and our late twenties are when we see them all get divorced. True or not, I think of this quite a bit.

I am not sure if MRKH is what is holding me back or maybe causing me to consider things more closely than other people. Maybe I am afraid to face the questions that would come next? You know, the ones about when we would have kids and really start the family. I cannot say for sure but either way, the real question is, will I ever be sure what path is the right one for me? This is the one big fat question mark in my life right now…

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5 Comments

  1. Annie said,

    Reading your post made me think of this children’s rhyme I remember singing when I was little. It was our way of teasing friends who appeared to have crushes on each other. “Jane and Bobby, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes _______ in the baby carriage!” Simply put, marriage is emotional. If you have MRKH, instead of feeling excitement about what comes after marriage, we tend to feel disappointment.

    I’ve always felt that trying to feel excited about marriage like my friends do is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I’ll let you know when I find the square hole that fits my peg 🙂

    • MRKHCanada said,

      Oh Annie, well put! It’s funny how you thought of that rhyme. It really made me aware of how we are influenced by expectations from such an early age!

  2. amanda said,

    I have to say I can completly understand. I am engaged and have been for 5 years now. My fiancee even tried a second ring to push me forward in the process. I adore him and have no want for anyone else but the biology of it all gives me a helping hand in delaying the process. I am very open about MRKH however as soon as anyone gets married the first question is when are you going to have babies.

    • MRKHCanada said,

      It’s so true. Just the other day, a married friend of mine was telling me how every time she goes to work her work colleagues are always asking if she’s pregnant yet! She says she feels pressured in a way. If she feels pressured I can’t even imagine how we would feel as MRKHers. How is your fiancee about all of this? He seems supportive. How are you coping with all this? Do you think there will come a point where you will feel ready to take the plunge? What will it take?

  3. Miss-Smiley said,

    Well done Annie I feel I am at the stage in life where I should be thinking about getting married soon but I don’t feel I am ready! Or is it because of me having MRKH I feel I am not ready? As I feel it will be harder to find someone and even if I do I will feel bad due to not being able to carry a child! Somtimes I do dream about getting married, being a bride but it just seems like a dream forever for me and never a reality. Congratulations Amanda, don’t let MRKH stopping you from getting married. You have been engaged for so long! That clearly shows your fiance love for you!

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